What is the Meaning of My Existence?

Once I had a dream to be a tycoon. I wanted to be a tycoon because of the money and the power that I am able to get from becoming one. That is why I started my journey to become a tycoon by becoming a small business entrepreneur first. I had had experiences as a sticker seller when I was in elementary school to a voucher cellular seller during my time as an undergraduate student, and… I still had another. From those experiences, I have to admit that sometimes I stumbled and fortunate at most. Am I happy with it? I would say no. I feel nothing inside even though I like the money, the experiences as well as the business itself.

Then, I started my second journey in finding the aim of my life. Is it really money and power that I am looking for? I guessed that may be I am able to find the answer by wearing an employee’s hat, and then I failed throughout the process. I have failed in my first experience as an employee. Was it because of my manager? My partners? Or my job? Since I have no clear answer for myself, I took another job at a bigger one. This one is a multinational company. Am I succeeding with my second attempt? Well, I ended up like the first.

Due to the failure, I have another question raised on my mind. Was it because the money or the salary is not as big as I have expected? Back at that time, I presumed that my knowledge is not high enough in order to reach my dream. Subsequently, I took a higher degree at one of the best business school in Indonesia. At that school, I derived so many valuable business knowledge which would be useful to be applied in my life. I spent two years of precious time there, and in between that time, I became a tutor for undergraduate student. It was a great time though, but I have no hesitation to continue my role as a teacher. In the end of my time as post-graduate student, I took my third endeavour as an employee.

Unfortunately, my third attempt ended up like before. Definitely something wrong has happened here. I have to make a self-analysis why did I fail three times as an employee. The realities that I derived from myself are I was not happy, uncomfortable, and unsatisfied with the job. Then, why did I take it? Was it still because of the money? Or another which cannot be explained yet? In finding the answer, I have to contemplate myself.

At some point, I finally understand that money as well as power does not impress me much. Getting them are not overly important. I have had so many chances to get money and power in many ways and many times, but I felt empty. My life is incomplete. Actually at the moment, I have possible answers that will fulfil my quest. However, is it really what I am looking for? Going further, is it really the best for my life? I do not know yet and I will keep it for myself now. However, I am still searching in every rainbow in a bid to find mine. One day, I will get it, or possibly, I have…

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